Can't We All Just Get Along...Seriously Women Democratic Leaders, Can't We???--From Thursday

I was perusing CNN.com this afternoon, and came across an article dealing with spies. I got excited, because I think when everyone was wanting to be firemen and police officers, I'm pretty sure I really wanted to be a spy. Not only that, but I love watching James Bond and the Bourne Series, so I was like, "Yay!!!". I read the article and found out that it was nothing like I expected it to be. I thought that there was going to be intel about how someone can become a spy. Instead of the exciting $#!t, it was about how the Senate, Diane Feinstein, is holding up the nomination of the guy to take over all the spies because the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, is holding up the bill to reform how spies do their jobs and requiring the President to tell all of congress, not just the "Gang of Eight" about what the covert actions are for, what covert actions are taking place, and how they are going to take place. Now that I look at it, it sounds pretty cool. I know it seems all convoluted and stuff, but I'll start from the beginning.

So I guess that the way things work now is that the president only has to tell 8 people about what he is planning on doing as far as covert operations go. I mean he does have the choice of telling everybody about our top secret plans, but we know how well politicians keep their secrets nowadays...anyone want to go to Argentina...err I mean hike the Appalachian Trail...Nobody...Ok, I'll just go by myself, again. And by tell, I mean kinda hint at. And by hint at, I mean he really doesn't have to say anything. He can call a meeting with the "Gang of Eight" (that sounds so cool) and say, "Hey Gang, I call this meeting to order to tell you that we're gonna do some stuff to some people. Meeting adjourned." And they'd be like, "Ok boss, thanks for the heads up." For all who don't agree with this, or any of you who thinks that this is wrong, please remember that George Bush had this power for 8 years, and a huge majority of his meetings were with the "Gang of Eight" and so just bite your tongue on this one, cuz you got nothing to say...especially since you didn't speak up 6 years ago. But they were enhanced interrogation techniques, not torture...sure they were, now go away.

So Senator Diane Feinstein, Democrat from California, wrote a bill wanting this to change. I guess she feels out of the loop and kinda pissed cuz no one trusts her with secrets. However, Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi, Democrat from California, has held up the bill. I'm guessing cuz she knows that Senator Feinstein can't keep a secret to save her life. So what Senator Feinstein has done is held up the guy who will be in charge of all of our intelligence operations, spy $#!t, from being approved (and just when I feel that there's nothing less productive than black on black crime). Is everybody up to speed now?

So here are my issues with this. First of all, as someone who executes several covert operations all the time, I have found that as awesome as a "Gang of Eight" might be, eight people knowing a secret is about 7 1/2 people too many. And when it comes to government secrets and covert operations, I don't know if I want all of congress to know about that stuff. I mean let's look at it this way, how many people are there in the House of Representatives alone? 435. Are you telling me that a terrorist cell couldn't kidnap one, or more, of the 435 congress people and torture them for the information. Like one from South Dakota, that would be pretty easy I think and now we have terrorists knowing everything. Secondly, why would everyone need to know. As awesome as Al Franken was on Saturday Night Live, I don't know if I want him to know detailed information on secret military operations; nor do I think he needs, or even wants, to know. Lastly, a major part of this bill will require spies to legally justify the methods that they are using to get information. Now, I guess it kinda makes sense as far as water boarding is concerned. But on the real, I don't think I really care so much about spies water boarding other spies to get information. That's what makes a job as being a spy cool. But let's say the spy is married and he had to sleep with some secretary to get access, how do you legally defend marital infidelity? It was in the interests of national security. I'm sorry if it hurt you, but look, baby, we caught Bin Laden. And this situation happens all the time according to James Bo...I mean the classified training videos I've watched.

Ultimately, I guess it comes down to this. There's just some things we don't need to know. I mean, I would love to know what spies have done. I have a buddy, who's got a brother, that is married to this girl, who has a nephew that is special forces. And I would love to know what he does, but I can't cuz I might get kidnapped and tortured, by our military. As long as spies are doing cool stuff, let them do it and give geeks, like myself, something to aspire to and lie to women about. So Senator Feinstein and Speaker Pelosi, get over yourselves and get my friend a job that pays some money. Sorry if I've spoken ill of your political role models ladies, but don't blame me, I'm just thinking out loud..