Something new...

So my brother is like the only person I know that reads my blog. He told me that all I talk about is political stuff and I seem angry all the time. So I'm gonna try to do something apolitical...is that a word? If it's not, at least it's spelled correctly. Anyways, I work at a middle school and a high school teaching a subject that everyone thinks is important, but everyone thinks is easy to teach. Sometimes I make to the front office while there are parents there. This week we are having people sign their elementary students up to shadow a student so that they can see what the school is like, and what teachers are like and what not. Today, a mom dropped off her 5th grade girls. The conversation went like this; the names have been changed to protect my job.

Mr. Williams walked into the middle school office to ask for a stamp. Mom of two
elementary school daughters walks into the office. Mr. Williams' back is to the mom.

Mom: I'm looking for Miss Gates.

Miss Gates: Oh I'm Miss Gates, how can I help you?

Mom: I need to sign my daughters up for that shadowing thing.

Mr. Williams ears perk up as he realizes that something absurd is about to follow.

Miss Gates: Oh no problem, what are your daughters names?

Mom: Alize and Cristal.
And Scene

I'm not sure what possess parents to name your kids after alcohol, but I'm pretty sure that everyone else looks at you with two assumptions. Assumption #1, you're not very intelligent or original. In plain people's speak, you're low-class. I'm sorry if I offend people with this one, but you brought it on yourselves. Out of all the things that you have control over when bringing a baby into the world, names are pretty much it. You can't control whether your kid will be smart, funny, athletic, charismatic, disabled, healthy, or tall. But you can control what people call your child, at least until your child is 18 and they decide the name you chose doesn't fit in with their persona. I get that Alize and Cristal may seem exotic, but people don't think of exotic places when they hear these names. People think of dark bars, shady old creepers, and Ben Roethlisberger, all things you should run away from. People do not think of high society, white parties, and yachting. Assumption 2#, that these are the beverages that you were drinking immediately before and/or during conception of your children. Fair or unfair, it's probably closer to the truth. A person can't say that they planned on having a kid and always dreamed of naming their kids after alcohol. If that was your plan, then I say you failed a long, long time ago. Regardless of whether or not you planned on having a baby, you should realize that naming your child should take a little more research than walking down the liquor aisle at your local grocery store. And if it does, you should at least have the fortitude to make it past the C's.

So check it, the one thing that you can control as a parent is what your child will probably be called for the rest of their lives. Give them a name that will give them the greatest opportunity to be successful in a range of occupations. You've gotta plan for the future. Because the only opportunities that you are giving your children is a future in dancing, and that's not the exposure you want for them. So take it or leave it, but I'm just thinking out loud.

P.S. There was a third girl who was in like second or third grade. What do you name the third daughter, if your first two are Alize and Cristal? Here's what we got so far:

1. Corona
2. Stella Artois
3. Margarita
4. Frangelico
5. Skyy