Wednesday, July 21, 2010

FML...WTF?

I was chatting with my cousin on facebook yesterday instead of doing any simbolence of work in my classroom. Now, let me start this off as saying that I consider myself to be a reasonably smart guy. Not the smartest by any means, but above average none the less. I think that I can figure out the majority of acronyms that have taken over text and chat conversations. She mentioned SMH, which I had never heard of before. This apparently stands for “Shaking My Head”…whatever. So I started thinking about all the other ones that are out there and the one that I really hate so see used, even more than the ever popular ROTFLMAO (because I’m pretty sure you’re not rolling on the floor because you’re still typing and it wasn’t that effing funny to begin with), is the FML acronym. I get that sometimes bad things happen, but I think that this younger generation doesn’t really understand what it means for their L to be F-ed. So I’m going to write a list of things that warrant the FML tag. Feel free to use these at anytime.

I just found out I got Herpes: FML. (Feel free to use any other incurable STD in place of Herpes)

Oh no, the condom broke: FML.

My best friend just died and he owed me $2000: FML

My car just got totaled and I just made the last payment yesterday: FML

I just got arrested for [insert felony here]: FML

Now, those are things that warrant the FML designation. Things that do not warrant the FML tag are things like this.

Oh, I forgot to pick up a loaf of bread while I was at the store: FML

I have a quiz in Biology and I didn’t study: FML

Oh no, Tracy told Barbara, who told Jesse, who told Tony, who told Jessica, that she doesn’t like my shirt: FML.

Now I’m not going to be one of those people that talk about, “Well, you haven’t lived long enough to know what a F-ed up life is.” That’s ridiculous, but I will say that you need to use a little more discernment (discernment-the ability to judge well) when using words. It’s kinda like that Alanis Morissette song Ironic. Now if you listen to the words you’d see that nothing in the song is actually ironic. I heard this comedian say that it is unfortunate, but nothing in the song is ironic at all. Just like when you use the term FML, I’m sure it’s unfortunate that all this stuff is happening at one time, but your life isn’t really FML status. So please, please, please find another acronym that better describes your life, or I will punch you in the face…in my mind. Sorry for the mellow blog today, but I’m just think out loud.

Why Do Women Do This?

So I have a friend that I’ve known for a while. She recently asked me what my perfect woman was. I responded that I don’t believe that there are any perfect women out there. So then she asked me what were the characteristics in a woman that I would tolerate. I responded that I never tolerate things for long. She then got frustrated and I had my good laugh for the day. It’s really fun to know what people want to know and then not give them the answer by giving them the answer they didn’t want to hear and can’t argue with. But I knew what she was doing. It’s that same trick that all women play on unsuspecting men. First thing they do is ask for you to describe something that you know doesn’t exist, like your perfect woman. Then they gripe at you. Telling you that the thing you described as being perfect, doesn’t exist and that you shouldn’t hold out for that. Telling you how unrealistic it is to have dreams of perfection and that you should lower your target…a lot. So I decided to play along. So I honestly described my perfect woman and then the second part happened.

So my question is, why do women do this? Is it a tactic to throw us guys off balance in an effort to keep control? Or is it absolutely involuntary and you women really don’t realize what you are doing? I find it frustrating having someone ask me about a situation that will never happen and then tell me that my goals are too high. If those were my goals, I definitely would move somewhere else where those situations were the majority, and then play to the fact that many women have lowered self-esteem. It’s the same exact reason why below average looking guys in L.A. have amazing looking girlfriends. Take into account that the hottest women from every area flock to L.A. to be a model or actress. So now you have a super-saturation of hotness in one area…self esteem is bound to be crushed. It’s like the perfect storm for self-esteem crushing. And all these little weasels are quick to scoop up the jaded youth or the broken down twenty-something.

So I’m not sure what the reasoning is, but I’m out here to let all the guys know what the deal is. I’ve seen too many of my friends fall for this one, and if you answer honestly without perceiving what is happening, then guys you will always lose this argument. Granted we “lose” every argument, but it’s a bait and switch. If this were business, ladies you’d all be thrown in jail. Sorry if I blew your cover ladies, but I’m just thinking out loud.

P.S. Ladies you don’t actually have to worry, because no guys read my blogs, so your secret is safe. At least until I write my book that no one will buy.

There's A Stalker At Starbuck's

Have you guys ever driven past a Starbuck’s and really looked at the people that work there. I mean, I get it that you can’t really get a good look by driving by, but since I don’t drink coffee, that’s the only way that I will see an employee of Starbuck’s. At first, I could have sworn that this one dude was following me around town. Every time I stopped in front of a Starbuck’s, he was there. I mean it was uncanny. I would have told my brother about this, but seeing how he uses everything I say against me as if it were a court of law, I decide to evoke my fif amendment privilege and not say anything until I had empirical evidence. So I had the good fortune of driving by two Starbuck’s today. I stopped in front of the first one and took a picture using my soon to be outdated iPhone 3GS that I purchased in January, only to find out in March that Apple had made 4G phone. On a side note, those a$$h0l3$ at the AT&T store on Hillsdale next to the Target and the 24 Hour Fitness have something coming to them because I specifically asked them when that f#(k!ng phone was coming out, and they said not for another year or so. Anyways, I took a picture of the dude that I feel has been working for the government to spy on me. It turns out that every Starbuck’s has this one grimey looking dude working there.

So I’m going to describe this guy, and you tell me if you’ve seen him. He’s about 5’8 and heavy set. He’s got a beard and a ponytail, or barely enough hair to be required to be pulled back. He usually wears a plaid shirt or a vintage (meaning faded and dirty looking) T and looks like he fulfills the minimum requirement in regards to hygiene in order to be in compliance with his job duties. Does this guy exist at your Starbuck’s, or is it only every single one in San Jose? It just seems like the one place where this guy can be accepted is at a Starbuck’s. I’m sure he has a nice personality and has really great customer service. He makes the experience of getting something with enough caffeine and sugar to give an elephant heart palpitations an experience to remember. Maybe I am just not familiar with the culture and am making an observation out of ignorance, which is definitely possible. But I ask myself, “Would I want this guy bringing me my enchiladas at Chevy’s or my rib eye at Tomato Thyme?” The answer is no.

So what am I getting at? I guess it’s that there are just some things that being kind and courteous don’t excuse. Bad hygiene being one. Ignorance being another. If you are going to work in a customer service industry, at least look like you’ve showered once this week. Regardless of how hot you think AC/DC, or lumber jacks, are; please make sure you look acceptable for you job. And lastly, Tomato Thyme is a restaurant in San Jose that has the best rib eye steak I’ve ever tasted. You all should check it out. Don’t believe me, try it…or don’t. If you are the guy that I’m talking about, or are dating him, and people start looking at you differently; don’t blame me, I’m just thinking out loud.

And I Was Told That Racism Was Dead...

What's up people? I know it's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you...but enough of the Timbaland/Aaliyah reference and back to the topic. And today's topic deals with racism. If the events that has transpired recently doesn't cause you to think, 'you know, maybe American Society really hasn't progressed as far as we think it has now that we have an African American President,' then I would like you guys to come help me pack up, because I'm leaving. So for those of you guys who are allergic to CNN, like my brother is (he breaks out in a nasty bout of hives, it's really quite disgusting...and funny), then you may have missed this story. So this lady, named Shirley Sherrod, used to work for the USDA helping out poor farmers. She started off helping black farmers who were having their farms taken away. I guess I should mention now that Ms. Sherrod is black. Sherrod was speaking at a gathering, of what I assumed was at a church, about an experience she had with the first white family she had helped. Someone posted some video of it and it seemed as if Sherrod was racist. So in light of this evidence, people took the most rational of approaches...they called for her resignation based on a youtube clip. Sherrod was fired and absolutely no further investigation was done. In fact, another lady stood up for Sherrod and suggested that people investigate this situation and she was fired. As in all stories like this one, we find out that the person who posted the video edited it and made it look like Sherrod was a racist. The complete video shows Sherrod using the story to tell people about how she overcame her initial reaction and saw that it wasn't a black farmer and a white farmer thing, it was a poor farmer thing. She goes on to state that we need to help everyone in a desperate situation, not just those we identify most with; because the struggle in this country isn't just about whites versus blacks, it's about poor versus rich. It also turns out that the person who posted the edited video was a member was on the conservative side of the political spectrum and the video was heavily trafficked on Fox News. Now I mention that to lead into my next point.

The back story on this, I feel, is that there's been a lot of beef between the Tea Party movement and the NAACP. The NAACP called out the Tea Party movement on a lot of the racist undertones, and overtones for that matter, going on at some of their gatherings. They are not saying that all members of the Tea Party are engaged in this behavior, but they are just asking for someone to step up and address this issue. The NAACP recognizes the Tea Party movement as being a political party that stands for fiscal responsibility and a reduced role of governmental control. They also recognize that there are blacks and african americans who are members of the Tea Party movement because they strongly believe in these ideals and identify with the movement. It makes it hard for these blacks and african americans to support a party that they believe in when they also feel that the party tolerates this kind of racist policy. After this issue was raised by the NAACP, the video of Sherrod pops up and all of a sudden Fox News and the Tea Party movement are pressuring the NAACP to put up or shut up. So the NAACP spoke up without investigating, eventually finding out that they were wrong. Instead of fessing up and saying they made a mistake, the said that they were "snookered". Who uses that word anymore? Basically saying that they were tricked and they didn't know what to do, so that caused them to act irrationally and not investigate the facts that people gave them. I have to give it up to Campbell Brown last night because she called the NAACP out on this point, if you can you have to watch it.

So here's my thing. First of all, I think we as Americans need to admit that there is still discrimination out there in the world. We need to realize that people are still discriminated against because of the color of their skin and the birthplace of their ancestors, amongst other things. We need to eliminate that by challenging the validity of the old way of thinking by our parents, grandparents, great grandparents and so on. We can no longer accept this as being "snookered" or making a mistake, or whatever other reasons we can come up with to justify our continuing to think this way. Second, we need to hold these people who willfully manipulate evidence for the political gain accountable. This guy, or gal, who intentionally doctored this video and slandered Sherrod needs to be punished so that no one else will ever think of doing this again. It can't be enough to read, "I'm truly sorry for my transgressions and vow to never do this again." from a page and that be acceptable. Everyone who was involved with this (reporters, organizers, conspirators, everyone) needs to be held accountable. Third, we need to slow down and think about our response. We need to allow time for investigations to happen. We can't call ourselves an enlightened society if we continue to act in a reactionary, knee-jerk, impulsive nature. I remember getting into a discussion with someone who told me that racism wasn't a factor in our society anymore. I responded by saying it's still there, it's just more sophisticated. I really hate being right so much, because most of the stuff I'm right about I pray that I will be wrong.

I hope my conservative friends don't feel like I'm blaming them for this, because I don't. I blame people who put political power over humanity. I think that most of us feel the same on almost every issue. I think that people don't want the government telling them what health care coverage they need to buy just like most women don't like the government telling them what to do with their bodies. Same issue, different point of view. We just need to put humanity before our political allegiances. Sorry if I ruined your racial utopia, but I'm just thinking out loud.